Blog 14 Where was the kinship?

The marriage comment wasn’t the only thing that brought me down. I had written much about this, but didn’t post it- I also recently met other radical feminist lesbians for the first time.

I didn’t write about it because it brought about some feelings that I was hesitant to put out in the open, into a space that is very fragile. But I guess it’s not too socially fragile for the older lesbians, but the young ones, and the younger ones are the ones I want to serve, so perhaps I need to look over my text again and publish it.

I hate how I am getting entangled into a tight knot when the point of this space is to talk openly about lesbian things and discuss how to move forward.

The interaction was online, so it’s like my bubble of not meeting other lesbians only half-popped. More like made a pin-prick in it, now whatever was inside is streaming across the room out of its tiny dot like a nicked artery. But the problem is that it will relieve only a little of the pressure, and the tiny cut will heal, and my bubble will start getting filled again.

I don’t need anything fancy to relieve that pressure. I’m not asking for a gaggle of 10 best friends overnight. I just want… I don’t know… something really basic that should be there. Something that someone even as socially inept as me can provide by being a body next to someone and saying a few small things.

Kindness? Acceptance? A place to belong among my kind? Kinship on a deep, primeval level deep in the brain? To feel at ease amongst my own with myself?

I feel like I want so little. I am an introvert and I do not want 10 best friends. I only really want one human female... my girl. Whoever she is, wherever she is now. But even I see the benefit of having lesbian kinship, of lesbians realizing that they do indeed belong to a very real group. That we are a group on a biological level. That a lesbian girl in Arizona can have the same face as a lesbian girl in Punjab.

They might have different ethnicities, eat different foods, been raised in a different culture, but if you put them in a room together, they will have more in common with each other on a deep level than they will with non-female, non-lesbian people who fit every one of those other cultural similarities.